For the past 25 years I've been losing it, getting it back, losing it, getting it back, and I'm not just talking about money. I'm talking about weight. In the last ten years, my weight has been up and down 40lbs and between a size 8 and 14. (I never buy anything over a 14 no matter how tight a 14 gets. Either it splits at the seams, which trust me honey, it has, or I wear things that stretch. Even when I did fit into a 6 I still felt fat, that there was something unacceptable about me, and everything would be OK if I were a 0, a 2, or 4.
Experience has shown me that achieving the ideas of what I think is OK or perfect rarely really makes things OK or perfect, because there's always something still lacking. That something lacking could be struggle, and maybe I'm just bored without it.
At this juncture, I fully realize the person I am now will still be there no matter how much the circumstances around me change, and trust me they have. I've been fat, I've been skinny. I've been rich, I've been poor. I won't self-righteously tell you I've got it ALL figured out, because as I know from experience, I'm only about 75mg of Effexor away from walking and talking just like Anna Nicole.
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